Officially hate christmas

Idk if it’s just my depression flaring up right now or if this is really such a miserable time. I’m constantly holding back tears. I want to die. I couldn’t get anyone gifts. Not because I’m broke but because I didn’t have time. And I didn’t get any gifts either. I feel extremely alone and unwanted. I just wanna get black out drunk and forget all this shit

I have not self harmed in about 4 years

But I fight with myself on a daily basis not to. No medicine no therapy “maybe I need help” is a constant phrase in my head. Today I feel the pressure. It’s been building up an I can feel the burning sensation of life itself. It’s so overwhelming and I have to “behave” but sometimes…. Sometimes I lose it… All of my progress gone. And mental I’m back to level one. Feeling like shit because I feel like shit lol. I’m supposed to tell myself it’s okay

Feeling like

I love letting go.
I let go of most of my wr friends. And I see myself letting go of my Macon friends too. I’ve always known I was a loner. But now I accept it. Things are all flipped. No friends but got a lover. I usually have so many friends and no lover.
I guess this is what I wanted.
So what happens when I have noooobody? I am me and I am free.
With suffering comes healing. I’m okay and always have been
Always will be. I say don’t worry about me but when I’m in my shadows I wonder where all the people that love me “oh so much” are.
They say it’s all about balance.

Moving to Macon

Was not a mistake, but damn I gonna get through this to prepare me for my future.

Skin crawlin

Dead eyes
Heart moanin
I feel empty so much.
I get bored, then depressed.
Lonely like no one else, I swear.
I wish my heart wouldn’t get heavy so fast. I get so burnt out from work and school but sitting at home with no one to cuddle with is just as bad.. Maybe worse.

MY THOUGHTS GET LOUDER AND LOUDER. Am I screaming at myself? Why are my eyes watery. Why am I here… All alone. Where are my friends? They wouldn’t get it anyways
Suffer alone bby

aliencells:

i am made of water and anxiety

webdirt:

i cant believe i have to wake up again tomorrow ! i cant believe it!!!

c-a-k-e:

psychic: *reads my mind*

my mind: *only endless screaming*

psychic: what the fuck

STOP LITTERING

sunnysprout:

STOP THROWING YOUR TRASH ON THE GROUND. STOP THROWING GARBAGE IN THE OCEAN. RECYCLE. PICK UP YOUR SHIT. STOP FUCKING LITTERING. S T O P

It’s almost been 2 years

And my heart is still in the same place. I still love you. Stupid love. I’m still not with you. I’m still alone. If soul mates exist, you’re it. But just because you’re someone’s soulmate doesn’t mean it’s gonna work out. My heart needs love damn it.